Control Anger By Changing Perspective
“Achieving tranquility is a matter of simply changing perspectives…” Raeleen D’Agostino Mautner
How often have you experienced one of the following?
* Things seem to be going okay and then something happens that completely changes how you’re feeling and throws your life into some level of chaos or upset; or,
* You’re in a relatively good mood until something occurs or someone says something that instantly annoys or angers you and the good mood flies out the window.
Often it may seem that you’re stuck in a pattern where it only takes seconds for you to go from happy and peaceful to angry and stressed because of some event, whether it’s something that happens or some way that another person acts toward you.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can shift that pattern by keeping an open mind and changing your perspective – changing what you think about the problematic event.
There’s a simple 3-part equation that helps this make sense. I’ve seen various authors describe it in different ways, and I’ll describe two of them here.
In her book
A + B = C
A = the negative event,
B = your belief about the event, and
C = the emotional consequence of the belief.
Based on this idea, if you shift your belief (B) – your perspective – about the event (A), then you change how you end up feeling (C).
I’ll give you an example. I was at a sporting event where I was watching my son compete. Seating was limited, but I got a spot on the gym floor from which I could see – that is until two people stood directly in front of me (A, the “event”). My immediate thoughts were that these were the rudest people on the face of the planet (B, my “belief”). And then I was feeling angry and annoyed (C, the “emotional consequence”), and I was no longer really enjoying the sporting event.
After a while, one offender walked away and I decided to stake my territory. I moved up next to the remaining woman and took her friend’s spot - so there. She turned to me with a smile on her face and asked “Does your stomach go into knots every time you watch
In a matter of seconds, from my perspective this woman went from being extremely rude to being just another mom who wanted to see her son have a great competition and who cared so much that it made her anxious. We talked for a while and it turned out she only lives twenty minutes away from me, that her son used to attend the same gym as my son, and she seemed to be a really nice person.
So what happened? Once I spoke with her, my perspective changed – B, “my belief” changed. I had new understanding and I was able to let go of my anger and annoyance immediately.
But by keeping a more open mind I could have done this right away when I felt the first twinge of annoyance. With the same situation (woman standing in front of me), all I needed to do to change my bad feeling (C) was to change my way of looking at the situation (B) from she’s rude to maybe she can’t see her child or maybe the bleachers are uncomfortable. This more open mindset would have helped keep my negative emotions in check – although then I might not have had the opportunity to talk with such a lovely person.
Another very similar way to look at this equation is from Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be:
E + R = O
E = the negative event,
R = your reaction to the event, and
O = the outcome.
This makes it easy to see that by reacting differently to an event or challenge – changing your perspective – you can change the outcomes that you experience in life for the better.
It doesn’t matter which of these equations you choose to use. Use the one that is clearer and easier for you to apply. Each equation points to the fact that by changing your belief or manner of reacting (your perspective), you can change the end result of an event. You can bring more tranquility and inner peace into your life just by changing your perspective because it’s often your perspective rather than the situation itself that makes you feel bad.
Judy Braley is an author, an attorney, and a parent of two. Her personal development blog with free articles and information on inspiration for your life can be found at GrowFromWithin.com. Copyright © 2007 Wherett Inc. This article may be freely distributed if this resource box stays attached.
Tags: anger, change perspective, happiness, peace, personal development, stress, tranquility